FLYBAR!!

...And they made it to the finals...

"Nothing is easier than self deceit. For what each man wishes,that he also believes to be true"

- Demosthenes

Demosthenes was a great greek orator who killed himself at his failure to be able to obtain freedoom for Greece.This quote is one of his many great quotes.Googling his name,you will find many quotes that show you how wise and how great and orator he was.Coming from someone who stuttered from young.

It is so easy to lie to ourselves and even easier to lie to the people whom we love,in order to get what we want, to be able to achieve what we set out to do or even to maintain our integrity and reputation. Its so easy to hide behind the veil of lies and deceit we create for ourselves. We our the greatest illusionists of all times and very often even we fool ourselves into believing that the illusions that we create are real.

It takes courage and guts to face up to reality.To know that the truth hurts.Stop creating illusions to make life so damn perfect.Having said that, I realise there are times when deception hurts less than the truth and sometimes you just need to protect those around you.

I came across this poem when I was reading a book, "tenth circle" by Jodi Picoult. The poem reminded me of the quote that Cherie gave me, about the mind and how powerful the mind is.

In the very earliest time,

when both people and animals lived on earth,

a person could become an animal if he wanted to and an animal

could become a human being.

Sometimes they were people

and sometimes animals

and there was no difference.

All spoke the same language.

That was the time when words were like magic.

The human mind had mysterious powers.

A word spoken by chance

might have strange consequences.

It would suddenly come alive

and what people wanted to happen could happen-

all you had to do was say it.

Nobody could explain this:

Thats's the way it is.

-"Magic words," by Edward Field

Inspired by the Inuit

Be careful what you wish for or what you think about.The mind is more powerful than we know.By harbouring just one thought of hatred,or that small seed of lust in our minds,it can grow and grow and what we think of can happen when we least expect it.

idol results show @ indoor stadium
the hady supporters.

Watching the results show at the indoor stadium was an experience. Saw a lot of familiar faces there. Needless to say,the stadium was over run with adolescents and Cherie toh felt like a geriatric next to them.

Hady does have a better voice and a lot more supporters.But my idol is still Joy boo!!Not forgetting Sean Yeo and Mr Jon Ong.

Flybar is competing again at Home.Its goin to be good.Oh yeah...

I decided last night that I would start volunteering somewhere.Preferably an orphanage.I think its time to learn how to give of myself and it will probably help me forget about all the little conflicts that I have with myself. I realised that through all this time,I have become too inward looking,always bothering about how insecure I feel, or how friends look at me and how they treat me.Starting to volunteer at an orphanage would help me to be able to get my feet back on the ground and back to reality and maybe find myself in the process.

Why an orphanage you ask?These kids are deprived of parental love and warmth and they lack so many things in life.I hope I can bring something to these kids.Lofty aspiration but yeah,I hope I can do something for them.Kids have this innocence about them,in becky's words,their innocence versus the shallow hypocrisy of the adult world.When we see things from their perspective,you realise how complicated our lives are,and how we complicate matters.

Well,if anyone wants to join me,let me know.I am gonna start getting in contact with some places and go down for a visit.

photos courtesy of @quentin and becky

Thursday night at Home,world battle of the bands competition with Flybar and our favourite guitarist pro Jon Ong. It was really incredible seeing the band perform and being able to hold the audience attention throughout their set.Hopefully, they get through the next round and to represent Singapore.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven"

- John Milton-

The quote, courtesy of cherie toh.This quote really made me think and reflect on how I myself have been tormenting and making myself a living hell.I love chatting with Cherie ,its no holds barred with her and she really knows how to make you feel good.She made me realise something that I should have known a long time ago.I realised that after so long of trying to be like everyone else,I lost myself.

cherie: but u see chek

cherie: God made everyone differently

cherie: he made u such a giving person

cherie: u give so much of yourself and ur time

cherie: and that is something that cannot be copied

cherie: u can cop someone's style or dress sense

cherie: but u cannot copy a person's heart

To everyone else out there who has been trying to be something that they are not,you dont have to be the most popular,the one who can jump the queue at parties,the one who get front row tickets to concerts or the one who mingles with celebs. You should just be who you were meant to be and be able to love yourself for who you are.What is it worth trying to be like everyone else when you were made to special?

...and to cherie toh, my small friend with a big heart, thanks!Thanks for being so honest,so encouraging and for being true.

We all look for acceptance in various forms because it gives us the sense of security.It inevitable that we all look to blend in.Thats how we behave as humans.

As a kid, I was always looking to blend,to fit in.But when you carry two bags to school,look like you made your glasses out of fish bowls and wear your white socks as high as the sky, you tend to stick out.I was never part of the crowd that played soccer on the school field or spent lazy afternoons playing the latest games.I struggled to fit in,to make the concious effort to blend in.Somewhere very far down,I lost myself.

I realised that I cant keep caring about what friends think of me, I cant keep getting worried about whether or not I blend in or whether I am accepted. Sam mentioned that life is not about people ignoring you.What is it worth if I bother so much.Its worth nothing to the people who say and do things that hurt you but it means negative emotions to you.

Its the same when it comes to being recognised and appreciated. We often work hard in hope of getting awards,getting scholarships and words of appreciation.To keep constantly working for recognition from others is tiring and draining,because half the time,no one appreciates the things that you do.

Its not worth constantly searching for acceptance to make yourself feel secure.Its not worth working your guts out for that little word of thanks.While life isnt about people ignoring you,life also isnt all about people recognising and accepting you.I often find it so hard to love not my neighbour but the person in the mirror.If you cant love yourself,you cant and you wont realise how much the people around you love you because you will never ever feel like you deserve it.At the end of the day,you torment yourself more than anyone else would and could.

ask me how far i will go for them...

... very far is what i would say. its through small things that you know who your friends are, friends who will be there even when it all falls apart for you.

many people have said,i always wear my heart on my sleeves.i dont hide my emotions easily and i am damn bad at pretending to be happy when i am not.everytime i make a friend,establish something with them,i often give away a part of me.i try my best to be earnest,to be truthful and to go the distance.there are times where many instances, i feel like everything has just gone wrong and there is always someone there to pick me up.or someone to forgive me when i have failed as a friend.

if i were to ask you how far you would go for your friends,would you hesitate?

I came to the conclusion that the past has a habit of revisiting,especially when it concerns un resolved issues. Life somehow has its own strange way or reminding you of issues from the past that you either refused to resolved or simply left hanging.The more you try and shut it,the more it will come back and bug you.You can push the issues away or try and forget about it,but when you least expect it,they will resurface.

Just the other day when i was out with sab and the rest,I bumped into a old friend from secondary school.We used to be good friends but somehow,we stopped talking to each other.I dont even remember why.David and sean went to talk to him and I walked away with sab.It wasnt because I was ashamed to face him,I just didnt know what to say and wanted to avoid an awkward situation.

Today,I happened to know about a conflict between 2 of my colleagues.They are good friends having trained together and work together for a while.It reminded me of a conflict I had with a friend who is my colleague and my superior.Things are fine now,although in all honesty,the relationship has inevitably been strained.I wouldnt say we resolved things,the both of us just tried to move on.While it didnt mean we cleared things up between us,it just prevented things from getting any worse.I wouldnt want to have it any other way honestly.

Life has a way of reminding us of our past,good and bad.it teaches us and helps us mature and reminds us of the inevitable and the things we have to do.To know when to do the right things at the right time.maybe when the past revisits,its probably time to do something about it and close the chapter in our lives that have been previously left unwritten.

There is no point explaining because you will never understand.The reason why I rather face my computer screen and my friends is simple.I feel that you will never understand whatever I say.The reason why half the time I choose to stay out of the home is because the silence is defeaning and dont ask me why I dont bother because it should be rather obvious.There is no communication.You think you know me,but you dont.Dont insult me by trying to insinuate that I am running away from what I have to do.I have gone through more and I know how much I can go through.All I ask is for something so simple and you have to make it such an issue.

Some days,I just feel this immense darkness and resentment.Sure,I may be out of line or it might be completely unjustified considering how other people have much bigger things to worry about.But I am only human.Take me for who and what I am.If not,dont even begin to understand me.

I was just doing some thinking of what could be the worst possible thing one could ever do to their friends.I got a list of 5 things.Play nice people!

"Best" things you could ever do to your friend:

1. When your friends asks if you would like to watch a movie, politely decline and thereafter start messaging/calling your friends asking if they would want to watch the exact same movie.

2. Get many people to mass message him "DIE SUCKER!!"

3. For his/her birthday, give him/her the present you were given by him/her for your last birthday.

4. Accidentally shrink all his Raoul shirts and G star jeans in the wash.

5. Constantly free load on the poor litle soul known as your friend.

Of course naturally by this point in time,you would have become enemies.

Disclaimer:This is something the author personally would not do.Something that the author just thought for fun.

Its time once again to say goodbye to the friends I treasure.Its sad to see them go because I cant help have this feeling that I had neglected them a little when they were back.I didnt get a chance to meet up with them as often as I would have liked to.To them all,have a good time wherever you are.

Saturday was spent in school playing soccer with some of the school guys.Rather they were playing and I was attempting to play,making a fool of myself.Some were not so pleasant about my lack of skills others tried to be tolerable while a few good ones tried to make me fit in.Thats life.You get what you deserve.