Dear person,

I dont think you are ever going to read this.But not like I care that much anyway.Read this for all I care.It was you.You who made me feel like I could never be good what it.It was you,whose demeaning comments that were disguised as guidance crushed me.You never considered how I felt,you never knew how much drumming meant to me and you had to take it away.And you know what?I hate you.I bloody hate you.Drumming meant a hell lot to me.It meant that I was able to contribute in some way.It meant that I had something to show when every other friend of mine was able to represent school in some sport.To be able to get some award.All along I felt that being able to accomplish none of that made me feel inferior.Yet,drumming was something that made me feel that I had some talent.But you.You thought that just because you had been playing in a more "advanced" setting thought you were so much better than me.Yes.I did ask you for advice because I looked up to you as someone with a bit more experience than I had.But I was wrong.I shouldnt even have looked up to you.For that,nothing will ever seem good enough.Nothing I do now will ever seem good enough.Any motivation or zest for what i could accomplish is not important because you crushed any dreams that I had of making it good.

Its been a long time.I still remember.31st dec 2004.You said I played too simply.You wanted me to play second fiddle to you.To you,just because you played with more add-ins you played better.You know what.Screw you.It has been a long time.I still see you around in church.I look at you with hatred each time i see you.Each time i see you on the drumset,i feel bitterness and hatred.I dont think you even deserve to hold the sticks you pretentious bum.

Its taken me a long time to put my feelings into words.But now I realise that I am going to be stronger than you.You still disgust me.But I am going to be a bigger person than you have been and ever will be.I have let this hold me back for a long time.And I wont any longer.Its going to a take a long time for me to forget and to forgive.But i wont let this hold me back.There is still the hurt and hatred in my heart.Not to forget anger.I wont let you do to me what to did to others.I have learnt my lesson and now I know that at the end of the day,I am the one suffering.I wont anymore.

-I needed closure of something that happened a long time ago.It might seem like something trivial.But when someone puts down what you believe in.It doesnt become trivial anymore.I have always believed in dreams and aspirations.And for a long time,I have been scared to have any.Because I always thought I would be disappointed again.But now that I have closure i will make things different.-

I almost forgot about this little message.Change is what I need.It is what we all need.And thats why we dont change our perspective without a change in environment.And when you see the same thing,do the same thing every single day,there is not going to be any change in perspective.

tim! haha. things are pretty in life everywhere.

you do not know how pretty it is to walk down to a minimart or how charming a lonely bus ride is standing up or sitting down.

picturesque is everywhere.

just leave town for a while haha.

change your playlist.

go meet new people.

even the smallest of change can make your day a lot better.

smile.

staying young is a priveliege that you earn by looking at the everyday through new pairs of glasses.

cliched and corny- yes

true - yes

I just feel so damn jaded and unmotivated.The feeling of emptiness sometimes just overwhelms.I have said all that I have had to say before.Some people understand and feel the same way.Others pretend to understand then tell you that you should get a different perspective by changing your mindset.I dont disagree with having a different perspective.But try being in camp everyday of the week,month and year and see if you dont get jaded.Try getting a different perspective by looking at the same thing and one more thing,you dont get a different perspective by standing on the same spot.I need to get out of this place.Get to somewhere,where you actually seas of green littered with a splendid array of colours.To be fascinated by nature and feel that life is not for jaded people.

This week has been a rather fulfilling week.Joel and Sean finally came back from Taiwan after about almost a month of not getting to see them.It was great to have them back and going to Mambo on wed.It was mad mad fun.It was completely jam packed with people and some drama.But I had loads of fun and it was great to see quite a few AC people again.Although I was a little bored at the beginning and my throat was irritated by all the smoke.But it was fun.Cant wait to go again.

Yesterday was great.Caught up with Cherie,Chester,Dre,Val and Shaun at Jasbir's house for Dewali.The food his mom cooked was great and it was great fun lighting the candles and playing with the sparklers.It reminded me for Chinese New Year when I was a kid and we would have the extended family at my house for dinner.The cousins would always run outside and play with the sparklers.Things are different now.

Met up with Bert,Joel and Serene at Ink Bar after that.Nice cosy bar with a great band and nice drinks.The band was really cool.Damn versatile.It was great to just spend time together and enjoy the great music.Wanna go back there again.haha.

Its really been a great week and somehow I am sort of dreading the week going back to camp.I am just damn sick of working and I really wanna get out of here.I just overheard my mom talking to her sister and the chances of us going for a holiday may be rather slim after all cos her sister is going on a holiday the same time as we are planning too and there has to be people to look after my grandmother.Its a damn bloody big bummer.