I am officially done with two subjects. Cuisine and Bar service. This weeks means 2 more weeks more school left and 3 more weeks to going back home. I am just deciding if i should come back on the 21st or the 26th.

It is so incredibly fast. It seems so unreal that I only have 2 more weeks of school left. But its good I guess.

So now the question is when do I fly back??

Its been quite a while. School is slowly coming to an end for the term. I am done with all the practical components and most of my assignments. All the theory tests are all coming up soon.

Been working the restaurant in school this week. Will be for the next 2 weeks. It has been interesting so far. Frustrating sometimes especially when you realise that there are people who talk more than they work. I really think I crack under pressure though. Bad habit of mine to get stressed out easily.

I have been having fun interacting with customers. Most of them are the senior citizen age demographic. Been getting quite good customers so far. One of my guests gave me a piece of advise. He said " you should come out of your shell more and not be so shy and get embarressed easily." He isnt exactly wrong. I realised more than ever, that I get red in the face so easily.

There is this whole inertia my brian is experiencing when it comes to studying. I know I really should get down to actually doing revision but I cant bring myself to do it. ok. I probably could but I guess I dont want to enough.

Spent much time yesterday thinking about friends here and back home. I just felt the need to get off my chest the whole issue about feeling like I am all alone. Its been a while since I have honestly told someone how I felt or told someone my problems. The problem is that I am not able to allow anyone see any weakness in me. Perfection is my goal. I have probably carried this whole thing to far to the extent that I have not allowed the closest of friends even to see that I have hang ups, to see that I have problems or in this case to know that I feel all alone here.

When it comes to friends, I have always been guarded. I have tried letting my guard down. Probably not enough. I have always kept everyone at a distance, putting a wall between me and them. It becomes terribly hard when it comes to making friends. Especially new ones.

However, ask me to change to let my guard down even more is not as easy as it sounds. I have conciously or unconciously drilled into my mind to maintain and present a certain image and to not let anyone see me for my weaknesses. Ironic isnt it as I am baring my soul to the whole world on my blog. Somehow its different. You know what I mean.

I am trying to give it time. I have promised myself that I never change the very nature of my character as long as it does not affect anyone around me negatively. As joel says, to just be myself. I think the main point is to be able to accept myself for who I am before expecting people to accept me for who I am.

Soon everything will sort itself out I am sure. Just needed to untangle the mess of thoughts in my head and brace myself for the rest of this mad mad week.

School is really getting crazy. I had to go out last night because i couldnt stay at home and force myself to do my report. 1500 easy stuff but I have already written more than 1500 words and counting and I am not done with my report.

On the bus today, I was suddenly hit by this sense of lonliness. It comes once in a while. It comes when I feel like going out but I just feel like there is no one good to hang out with. It comes when I start to think of my friends. It comes when I realise that I cant really have a heart to heart talk with anyone here. It comes when I realise that I dont know who to trust. No matter how much I numb myself and my feelings, it still comes back.

School is really getting crazy. I had to go out last night because i couldnt stay at home and force myself to do my report. 1500 easy stuff but I have already written more than 1500 words and counting and I am not done with my report.

On the bus today, I was suddenly hit by this sense of lonliness. It comes once in a while. It comes when I feel like going out but I just feel like there is no one good to hang out with. It comes when I start to think of my friends. It comes when I realise that I cant really have a heart to heart talk with anyone here. It comes when I realise that I dont know who to trust. No matter how much I numb myself and my feelings, it still comes back.

the crazy week is over.not for long though.with 2 assignments that were due this week it was crazy. I have not had a proper dinner the whole week and sleeping 2 hours the night before handing in my assignment was not funny.thats life.crazy week(s) are here to stay for the next month.

was a good boy tonight.Just going up to Norwood for dinner and spiderman.no clubs, no pubs.i am going to catch up on sleep tonight and its a long long weekend planned of marketing,errands,work and cleaning up my mess of a house.i want my hols!