Spent much time yesterday thinking about friends here and back home. I just felt the need to get off my chest the whole issue about feeling like I am all alone. Its been a while since I have honestly told someone how I felt or told someone my problems. The problem is that I am not able to allow anyone see any weakness in me. Perfection is my goal. I have probably carried this whole thing to far to the extent that I have not allowed the closest of friends even to see that I have hang ups, to see that I have problems or in this case to know that I feel all alone here.

When it comes to friends, I have always been guarded. I have tried letting my guard down. Probably not enough. I have always kept everyone at a distance, putting a wall between me and them. It becomes terribly hard when it comes to making friends. Especially new ones.

However, ask me to change to let my guard down even more is not as easy as it sounds. I have conciously or unconciously drilled into my mind to maintain and present a certain image and to not let anyone see me for my weaknesses. Ironic isnt it as I am baring my soul to the whole world on my blog. Somehow its different. You know what I mean.

I am trying to give it time. I have promised myself that I never change the very nature of my character as long as it does not affect anyone around me negatively. As joel says, to just be myself. I think the main point is to be able to accept myself for who I am before expecting people to accept me for who I am.

Soon everything will sort itself out I am sure. Just needed to untangle the mess of thoughts in my head and brace myself for the rest of this mad mad week.