I am a tad burnt from tuesday afternoon at sentosa with some of my colleagues.I took half day off to accompany Sam and bernie and some other guys.It was a good change of environment and a great day to be by the beach.Been a long time since I spent a day at the beach and I had a great deal of fun.Dinner after that at Pasir Panjang was damn good with barbecued seafood and chicken wings, with great dinner conversation to top it all of.No doubt we talked about work but it was still great fun.

Spent the whole day out today with Martin and Andrew and some other ac kids.Been a long time since I have met up with Martin and Andrew too.Although watching Nacho Libre was a rather bad idea.I have never been a great fan of Jack Black and the humor is plain slapstick which wasnt the least bit funny and watching him prance about half naked in spandex for a great deal of the movie was just a bad idea.

the arts class of 2004

joy,sean & Jon's performance

Arts Reunion was Saturday was a really good chance to catch up with people you dont really meet up with on a regular basis.I thought the turnout this year was really good.It wasnt really massive but it was good enough.And Joy Boo's voice never fails to captivate.her voice is just amazing.Someone should really sign her and make her a star.

the 2 vassar undergrads

val&joy.

Went back to school for a while today.Just to drop by the say hi to the teachers.It was council investiture after all.Some thing just never change.It was almost like watching myself during investiture.Except this time I was watching my brother.I was nice to catch up with the teachers to see how they were all doing.Somehow,in school,even now when I go back,everything seems so innocent.Miss the good ole AC days.I gotta admit,it feels a little weird to be back in school.

Was sitting in the pantry having lunch with 2 of the teachers and this econs lecturer came in and she used to lecture my faculty.She was a terror during lectures slamming microphones and bottles on the table when she was angry when we made too much noise.She was surprised to see me there and thought I was somebody else.When my teacher told her its Tim Chek and not the person she thought I was,she exclaimed,"OH!you look so different.Last time you were so fair,you used to look like the indoor kind of person who plays chess".I wasnt sure whether I should have felt like it was a compliment.Stories from my batch just started coming up.All of them nolstagic of my batch.It was a good lunch with the teachers.

When I was in school,I studied war literature.And the common theme in the many books was catharsis.How writing and sharing of the soliders war experiences would help them to move on as it would act as a release for them.These men had to be encouraged to talk about their experiences because they would often be withdrawn.

Traditionally, men when they are boys are taught to show no emotion.As boys,we have been taught that that "boys dont cry" and to be able to "suck it up like a man".Crying therefore has been a taboo as being men,we are supposed to be masculine, defend and support women and children.Even till today,men still subscribe to the traditional notions of manhood and as a result,are often unwilling to talk about any problems or insecurities.I feel, for the very simple reason that it makes them look weak.Not that men are supposed to shed tears at the snap of a finger,but that tears are not a sign of weakness.

In an article that I read in readers digest,the writer said that most men are far more insecure than they reveal themselves to be.A lot of insecurity is hidden behind stoic and "devil may care" attitude that men portray.Men traditionally and even now,are supposed to be empowered,be able to provide stability for their family and to hold their family together.I think this places pressure on men today to be able to follow what traditional notions dictate them to be.This creates insecurity and vulnerablilty.Its hard for men to be able to share insecurities and problems as no one wants to seem like a weaker being in front of the other.

Personally,this has become an issue.I used to be perfectly comfortable with sharing my various and extensive insecurities and problems.To the extent that I became consumed with them and it turned to self pity.The day I got better was the day I stopped feeling sorry for myself.There is definitely no doubt that I drive myself crazy going over my problems in my head.I do believe in sharing problems to let other share the load.However,the issue is that I am no longer comfortable with showing that I am vulnerable.Every guy likes to feel empowered and not crippled by insecurities.Besides,I think people have grown tired of hearing about me. Its not that I will be completly withdrawn,but I think it will be more of how much I am willing to share and talk about.

I think as men or guys, traditional notions still play a very strong role in dictating who we are supposed to be in societies point of view.While we have to be strong and macho.We need to be honest about how we really feel.Insecurities are part of everyones life and its ok to discuss it.Its just a very fine line to solving and and being consumed by it.

If there was ever a day where more than 1 thing could screw up all at the same time.Today was it.It was such a mad frenzied rush today and I am tired.Today was a bad day,running around doing all my errands and in addition to my new pair of specs giving me a headache,it wasnt a very fun day.Just glad its over cos I am worn out and ready to hit the bed anytime.

My mind is reeling from the thinking what the interview on monday would be like.I am trying to prepare myself and psych myself up to tell myself I really want this.Although I am not so sure I want it.But if i disappoint,I dont think I would be able to live with myself.