-da ben dan-

I sometimes cant believe the things i do.hold on tight to your chair otherwise you are gonna fall off laughing at me.

I kind of got hooked onto the korean television serial that is being aired on channel U at 7.Its called "princess hours".So instead of faithfully waiting to catch every episode that is aired,I wanted to go and get the dvd especially after andrew told me that his sister had the dvd with ENGLISH subtitles.So today,I decided to go to HMV and pick up the dvd after gym.

I cant read chinese and so i picked up the dvd assuming it showed the drama series.And I thought that there would only be one such dvd.So,when I got home,I decided to watch it on my computer and lo and behold!

First of all,no ENGLISH subtitles.The whole disc is in korean and chinese subtitles.The subtitles arent even simplified chinese subtitles.But the subtitles simplified chinese or not is besides the point cos I cant read chinese for nuts like that.

Secondly,the dvd doesnt even show the episodes.Its a dumb dvd interviewing the actors of the series and like showing clips of the series,behind the scenes and bloopers.

So there i am sitting in front of the computer kicking myself,while my mouth is opened in exasperation at how stupid I had been.

ps:you can stop laughing now...

timbre flea market with Shaun lim,Serene.Joel,Bert and Cherie toh.the guys were trying to sell stuff.crowd wasnt all that enthusiastic about buying stuff tho.bought a t-shirt which i thought was a cream colour but it turned out to be yellow.not colour blind but it was just too damn dark.

there are days when you wonder why you allow PEOPLE to mercilessly make fun of you when you sit there trying your best to be detached.to grin and bare it.

in those moments of wondering,you realise why.because these PEOPLE are special,because you know at the end of the day,they have your back.because,these PEOPLE are otherwise commonly known as FRIENDS.

everyone has told me that i think too much.i agree.whenever something happens,i spend every waking hour pondering,reflecting,possibly blaming myself for what went wrong.but when it comes to certain things,i cant bring myself to be detached,to be in a situation where there no strings attached.because then the relationship is no longer a friendship.

its a delicate balance and i am still trying to find it.

Caught The Black Dahlia with Bernie,Sam and Shuhui.

I was rather lost for the first part of the show and thought that I was the only one.

haha.Kinda glad I wasnt the only one.

The show made you follow the "clues" and try and figure them out.

i was damn clueless and only got the whole thing at the end of the show.

its the kinda show that makes you go "OH!"

It was a damn gruesome show that makes me wanna hug the sides of my mouth.

Supper at NYDC and I was strangely hungry having eaten dinner before the movie.

Guess I had to take my mind off the viceral images.Ugh.

Had a good night out after being cooped upped at home for the past 2 days,

although Sam and Bernie were being mean asses.

Still, love them nonetheless.

Of course bernie would say I am the bitch.

ps:Bernie: I know yr gonna read this sooner or later.

So...i am a sick little bugger now.Everyones been bitching about the haze and I am trying hard not to,cos like it or not its gonna be here to stay for a while.Going to be medicated for a while so,I think my friends will be grateful for the peace and quiet they will get while I am drugged.Been sleeping so much,but I think I really need it.The past week has been rather memorable with Bernie's ORD celebration,where I drank too much.Not touching alcohol for a while.

Sat night was spent at Timbre supporting Flybar and I know I am biased, but they were the best.And the coolest thing is that they won.So Flybar is on their way to Hong Kong to compete on the world stage.Pity I didnt bring my camera so no pictures.But congrats to Flybar.You guys are the best!

Today,i almost killed myself.death by weights.

Today,i walked under banners again.I smiled like a jackass

Today,i saw a girl with emerald green eyes.The kind that pulls you in,the kind that makes your heart go.

I was mesmerized

Right now,I think i am really losing it.

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
George Washington
First president of US (1732 - 1799)

I need not say more.Its a quote that stood out to me because of recent events and it is so true.Fast friendships never make lasting and good friendships. Be it between people you meet at work,in school.Between friends,camp mates,colleagues,friends who are your superiors.It stays true.

I dont like to get into arguments and I dont like awkward situations.Yet,time and time again,I think I have this knack for saying things at the wrong time and being too direct.I have a reputation for being a bitch and for the longest time, I have been comfortable with that.lately,I wonder if I am my own undoing. I have told someone this before and I know it for a fact,that when people have negative things to say about you, look at yourself and reflect and dont always think your the misunderstood one, or that you are the victim or mindless ridicule.

When it comes to friends,I am willing to give.I am willing to listen to your problems,help you solve your problems.I have no problems with giving.its unfair placing expectations on your friends,expecting them to reciprocate,expecting them to know what your thinking or feeling,expecting them to be there for you like how your willing to be there for them.When you expect,you can very well expect to be disappointed, to be let down. At the same time,it would be nice to be on the receiving end.Someone said,while its fair to expect,you shouldnt.It doesnt mean its wrong.It just makes you human.Somehow,being human feels so wrong,feels so lousy.

Suddenly, I am getting cold feet.
Suddenly, I start to wonder if I made the right decision or if I chose well.
Suddenly, all the "what ifs?" start to overwhelm me.

I have always never been able to trust the judgements I make.Never been able to stand on one side,never been able to commit to something because of the fear of failure,because of the fear of error and having to pay for my mistakes.Then comes the question,when will I ever be able to find that sense of security within me,to trust me.To trust in the almighty because ME and I would never be enough.

I was walking to the mrt station today past Mandarin Hotel along orchard today.They have these banners along the pavement.I was walking rather close to the banners that were hung vertically on a pole and it was not very high up from the pavement.

I started walking under the banners and I thought to myself. "your so darn short that you can walk under the banners". Then I somehow started smiling to myself.Call me crazy but I guess its all about being comfortable with yourself.