I feel like there are so many things going on in my life.yet,I find it so hard to find someone to share it with, without the feeling of being judged or without having to feel like I am wearing the person out with all my grouses.I wont say my life is incredibly busy.Just that I try to occupy myself and block out thoughts.It tires me out,it makes me moody and yes it makes me frustrated.But what else is there to do.

I have kept on looking for things to keep me going.Like goin to the gym regularly.Although some people are not exactly supportive of it.They think its gay.I tired looking to mix around with friends.Sometimes friends tire me out.I keep looking for something to get me on an emotional high.For now,its wakeboarding.Amidst all these interests,I know I am missing out on something.All this searching has got me no where.I know what I am missing.Or at least I think I know.But it means having to take a chance again.

I gotta admit,at this point in time,I am being a stubborn fool.I am filled with angst,frustration and complaints at this point.Yet,I resist the change.A fool I am and a fool I have been.I have had so mamy ideals about life and the way my life should be.I told a friend just this morn.The world is harsh on idealist,it has no place for idealist cos it makes you bitter about life.But until I realise the change I need,until I realise I need to give thanks for even the dew on the leaves and the little pleasures in life,I would still be a fool living a senseless life.You would be too.