My MC is up and I have to return to the camp tomorrow.Not looking forward to it.Time really passed very fast and before I know it, its back to routine and regimentation.I know I cant be so selfish and ask for too much because 2 full fays at home is already quite a bit.But please put yourself in my shoes and you may realise that 2 days is definitely not enough.I know I sound selfish.As usual,the hours before I go back to camp are filled with dread and a sense of fear and disgust.Each time I want to change things, it goes back to square one.I really dont want to go back there.To me,going back there is unthinkable horror and I cant stand it.Each week will continue to pass with me counting the days to home,while I see that each week passes without any meaning in my life.How can that be my life now?Something I cannot accept.Change is inevitable.While I may want to stall change, life still moves on and changes without me.Time and tide wait for no man.It has not waited for me.I am just so sick of this.It has become a vicious cycle that I want out of my system.I want familiarity,yet,I do not want routine.I see God's ways,yet,I dont trust Him enough.Why is it,every week I feel so conflicted?Should I just go with the flow just because every other guy my age is doing the same thing?Can someone care to explain?