I never realised how much school and my past meant to me until now.Every now and then I think about school and my past and all the happy memories.Then I realise where I am in my life now,and my heart just breaks in desperation for those happy times again.I never knew I would miss school so much.I never knew how much sitting in the void deck during free periods would mean to me,or hanging out in the council room starring out the window or planning council events and getting stressed out. So many times,I remenisce about the past and many times,my heart just drops when I realised that I have to move on.

Lately,I have become numb to the world,numb to myself and to all the advice people give to me.I have become defeated.I just feel to weary and tired(i know I have said this many times).I know I need to take stock of my life now,but then where do I start picking up the pieces at this point of confusion and darkness?

I dont want to go to command school,yet at the same time,I feel like I might disappoint people who care for me.And that is the worst feeling you can ever have.People tell me that I should go to OCS or SISPEC at the very least.But how do i tell them that I do not want to?I feel like people judge you from whether you go to OCS or SISPEC.If you do go,your deemed to be good,brave and courageous.To me,its all a bunch of crap,all these talk about honor or prestige is like chafe in the wind to me.Don't judge a person from what he does,but what he has a passion for.