12 long days of loneliness,misery and sometimes a gnawing feeling deep inside of me that made the word emptiness apt in describing how I felt.After 12 long days, it was finally good to be back home last night.I am so glad to be out of that hell-hole.I really hated it there and I think I still do.It is not that I didnt like it at all,there were some parts that were quite fun but the rest were either a waste of time or just completely detestable.
For the past 12 days,I have learnt how to fight,handle a rifle,learn how to camofluge myself with leaves and disgusting camofluge cream,marched distances of 4km and 6km in a day,wake up at the most ungodly hour of 5am in the morning where even the birds are not awake!Basically,the past 12 days are something that I would have rather not gone through.When I am home now,looking back,I am just glad I got through it all.Everyday there is a rush,after one activity or lesson,you rush to get ready for the next lesson.Most of the time,they rush you to make you wait for the next activity.Whoever said the army was efficient and a decisive force lied.If you asked me what I had learnt the past few days,besides learning how to fight I cant tell you I learnt many useful things to help me on in life.So in essence I thought the past 12 days have been a waste of my time.
However,I have been made to realise things that I might not have realised.I realised how important family means to me.So many times,I have taken all the things I had for granted,the good food my mum prepared,my clothes always being washed,having the privacy of bathing!!And also realising how good my family is and how good a life I have lived over the past 18years of my life.The loneliness and missing your family is something I cannot descirbe.All I can say is that every meal time,I thought of home and every night before I went to sleep I thought of home and the family.Whenever I called home,tears came to my eyes and a few nights I actually cried over the phone.Living on the island is fine,but being seperated from family and all that is comforting and familiar is the hardest part.Living in an environment where everyone seems tense most of the time,letting down your guard down is not advisable.You cant seem weak,you cant seem vulnerable.You have to be tough or show aggression.Sergents are not meant to be nice and I hate all the screaming and the time limits they place on you.And did I mention there vocabulary is rather limited?At least in terms of vulgar words.I think there are 2 unspoken criteria to be a commander,to be a smoker and to use vulgarities in yr speech.Oh...and only 2 particular vulgarities at that.Goodness knows how many times I have wanted to castrate all of them and throw them into the tekong swamps.Whatever it is,I am just glad to be back hair or no hair.