I am tired maybe even jaded.Hungover from Brisbane maybe?I just dont feel like I can enjoy anything and it definitely doesnt feel like christmas is coming.After all the effort I put into trying to pass my napfa test and get myself out of early horror thinking that this christmas will be special or that the holiday in Brisbane would be great and that my holiday would move in a certain way.It didnt happen.I am just going through each day without meaning,just following what other people do,not enjoying the moment.Somehow,I dont feel relaxed when I should be relishing the "freedom" that I have now.

Whats my solution?Expectations.Talking to a wise someone last night helped me realised that I had placed too many expectations on everything.The notion of going into army next year just screwed everything up,where I realised that it made me want to have everything perfect. I wanted the holiday to be perfect,that is why I kept pushing for a plan instead of hanging out around town.I wanted it to be perfect as a "reward" after passing my napfa test.Yet,all these expectations let me down and made me feel even more stressed out.I have been placing too many expectations on the things around me and on myself that I have not learnt how to enjoy life.I still remember how as a kid,everything was great,because I didnt have expectations.Every christmas,every holiday was something that I enjoyed because I knew I was going to have fun.That was all I knew.No preconceived notions,no high strung expectations.Just the hope and wish and knowledge that it was going to be fun.I hope not all of us have lost that "childish innocence" in us that years of education has slowly eroded away.