everythings been moving so fast the past week.and somehow,i am glad for the past few days where i was just able to laze around at home and not do anything.it gave me time to think,get myself in order.and to actually start packing.

i have not thought about what to expect for the year ahead.somehow,i stopped expecting,stopped dreaming.last week caleb asked me what my dreams were.i told him i had none.sounds sad,especially when i used to believe that without dreams,you are just an empty shell.up to a certain point,i stopped dreaming and stopped hoping.somehow,dreams started to seem to fluffy.dreams started to be a nice term for lofty aspirations that i prob would never be able to reach.i do dream a little sometimes,like how in 15 years time,i would be running a chain of hotels.but i never focus on them.its more of a passing thought.

someone was talking to me about how she was afraid for her last semester as a student.how she was not getting the courses she wanted.instinctively,i wanted to say you will do well,dont worry.but i held back.its not that she would not.i am sure she would.i believe so.it just felt like saying that would have been so cliche and it would not have put her at ease anyway.

yesterday i was thinking.thinking about the year ahead,starting afresh overseas.in a place so familiar yet unknown.honestly,i am afraid.i am scared.i feel so small just thinking about it.i have been trying to psych myself and tell myself that its going to be a great experience.i realised,i have to stop thinking.stop having expectations of what is going to happen,stop trying to predict the future for myself.and just hope for the best and expect the worst.when i am at that point where things do not seem to work out for me,to just trudge on.i know,there will definitely be points where i will want to give up.but i have to just trudge on.and when its time to reflect,what didnt seem right,suddenly fits into the picture perfectly.