maniac mumblings

2007-12-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

Christmas was really different this year. Spending it away from home. It somehow didnt seem like christmas for me. But still.it wasnt without the presents and the christmas wishes.How time really flies and its already coming to the close of 2007. It has indeed been an amazing year not without its ups and downs.

Check out the pictures of fireworks I took on Christmas eve down by the beach. It was amazing looking at the fireworks with the kids down by the waters edge with their lightsticks. 2 more weeks till I leave this place.

2007-12-08T13:19:00.000+08:00

A shot of the best sunset I have seen yet. The sky was a little cloudy but you can still see the sun starting to set behind the hills.

2007-12-06T19:45:00.000+08:00

Its always hard saying goodbye to the people that I have met on the island. It wasnt easy the first time and it still isnt easy. Its been an incredible time making friends with them and seeing them leave is hard because i never know when i would see them againn especially with everyone coming from all over Australia and New Zealand. It was tough saying bye to Sophie, she being such a cool friend to hang around and it was always great conversation with her.

2007-12-06T13:57:00.000+08:00

I have been real lazy when it comes to blogging. Just realised its been almost more than a month. Christmas is almost here. How time flies and I have exactly 41 days left on Hamilton island before I go back home and back to school.

I have learnt so much being here these past few months and things are really getting much better with my new job. I must say that I have been having heaps of fun these past few weeks. A little too much in fact and I should probably start staying at home more and saving me some money.

Had to say goodbye to Madison and Danielle yesterday. Its sad seeing someone leave everytime and they have both been absolutely good friends. Its been a blast having them around and I sure am going too miss them heaps. Sophie leaves tomorrow and James leaves Saturday.

with danielle at One Tree Hill

with Madison @ One Tree Hill

2007-10-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

There has been so much going on lately, I feel like my weeks and days have been so long. I have been spending almost every other day working. Naturally money is good but I really need a break. I cant wait to head off to Brisbane for a city getaway. After living on this island, I realised that I still prefer the city. Although I might feel so hassled when I go back to Singapore.

I am getting a job transfer in about 2 weeks time. I am rather happy about the transfer. It might help break the routine up a little. I am getting rather frustrated with the current job. I cant say that the new job in F&B is going to be the greatest but it is what I prefer.

Somehow at certain points in life, we question relationships that we have built. It hurts when the people we go the extra mile for think all you care about is how you feel. Its then you realise how some things are just not worth it. I guess thats life, learning from life experiences.

Having said that, I am really grateful for the friends that I have back home. Through everything, they are the people I know that I can really depend on.

2007-09-18T15:27:00.000+08:00

Out of all the things that I am learnt over the past few years the one thing I have let to learn is how to let go. Rob just reminded me today of how I am starting to let all the problems at work get to me.

I always seem to take everything upon me. Always try and make sure I work it out.Always try to make sure that it goes according to plan. Digging holes for myself is what I am best at. I just dont learn.

2007-09-13T19:22:00.000+08:00

Its been ages since I have posted.There has just been so many things going on. Parents dropped into Hamilton Island just last week for a few days. Weather was rather bad when they were here but it was still rather enjoyable. They seemed to like Rob and Nathan after meeting them, with those 2 charming their way into krispy kreme and coffee.

Nathan goofing around in my parents room

Dinner with my parents at Pool Terrace

Sunset at One Tree Hill

Went down to Coral Cove on my day off. It was a really long trek down and wearing my flip flops was just a bad idea all together. But it was a really nice spot to just hang out for half a day. It was quite secluded so hardly anyone was around which was great.

Coral Cove

Work is starting to wear me down. I am quite over work already and somehow cant wait to get out of it. It could be because Nathan transferred out and I am one short of a good work colleague. Now, I have to work with this other guy that I cant get along with for shit. The main thing I am rather afraid of is that my workplace is rather political and I feel like I have been left alone to be scrutinised. Work itself just gets so frustrating sometimes. The thing that somehow tears me up is that I thought that I was much stronger. Perhaps I have to once again just suck it up and ride it out.

2007-09-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

After being away for so long, I somehow am starting too really miss the food back home. Especially being on this island. I feel rather deprived of really good food.I cant wait to get myself an electric frying pan so I can really get to cook food.Maybe it wont be so bad.

My fridge just died on me today. Its been freezing my milk,my cheese,my water and my beer and just now it tripped my power. Got the security guy to help me put the power back on and we found out that its the fridge. had to borrow Robs fridge space.

Work has been getting rather interesting. Slowly getting used to the routine of work. It sometimes gets hard when it comes to working with people. Its hard especially when the whole corporate world is a whole game. Its like survivor. I hate the way this sounds but its just a whole game where only the smartest survives.

2007-08-18T11:52:00.000+08:00

Marina,Rob,me and Nath

Rob,Nath and me

Soph,babz and tash

Wednesday was Nath's 20th birthday at the Steak House. Seems like we always go to the Steak House for someone's birthday. Pretty much has become a birthday tradition. But food is so good. It was a great night of celebration that started the night before with his birthday countdown.

Fell sick on Thursday. Felt like crap and totally out of sorts. It was incredibly crappy but I got myself into the mess after burning the candle on both ends of a little too long. Glad I had the day off yesterday and today to rest up.

Audi Race Week 2007 has officially started. There are heaps of yachts at the Marina front and it is a massive event. The fireworks were amazing yesterday and the band was incredible. I was beating myself up because I couldnt stay out late being sick. Race week is the major event on the island with live bands that start from 2pm in the afternoon. Apparently there is fireworks every night.

Things seem to be going well. Work isnt the most enjoyable thing but I cant complain. I believe I am rather fortunate with how everything has been going and it has been exciting no doubt. Not going to jinx it by saying anything more. Time to rest so I can party a lil. Roomie is bugging me to get loose.haha.

2007-08-12T16:31:00.000+08:00

whats not to love abt this beach...

Work has been so tiring the past few days and having a few hours of sleep and a big night out doesnt help when there are so many rooms to clean. Some of the rooms have been so messy I feel like strangling myself everytime I walk into a room that looks like a hurricane has swept through the rooms. It doesnt help when we have to clean rooms for guests arrivals before lunch. Have been having to go down to lunch at 2. Its crazy.

I am so looking forward to the off days because I really need the beach to just laze around. It would be good if I had my ipod which I had left in Brisbane at Seans house. Hopefully he sends it to me soon.

Going to be starting at Pool Terrace soon working at the hotel restaurant. I think I am doing room service though so that ought to be exciting. I am so glad I am off tmr and tues. Altho it looks like I have to work on Tues now cos my manager asked me too. There goes the bumming ard on tues. Tmr I'll have heaps of stuff to do so hopefully I can squeeze in some time by the beach.

2007-08-10T16:46:00.000+08:00

birthday cake
dinner from the steakhouse.

Lamb Rump

dinner at the steakhouse

soph,babz and i at the steakhouse

2007-08-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

The big 21 came and went yesterday. Although I have to be honest that I didnt feel like it was a special day or anything. Its another year older.and hopefully wiser. Adulthood and old age is beckoning. Last night was a really good time although it probably could have been heaps better perhaps.

I am really thankful for what has been given to me for the past 21 years. I dont think I can ask for more. Never could have thought how far I could have come over the past few years. Really cant ask for very much more.

Pictures that I have taken will be up soon.Have to work tmr.

2007-08-06T14:00:00.000+08:00

Its feels like its been forever since I got onto the island. Its only been 2 weeks though and other than work and hanging out with the people here there is really nothing much to do. I would upload pictures but I have yet to take any. I will take heaps tmr at my birthday dinner with the people here.

Its been alright so far. As shitty as the job is, its work. Its quite tiring somedays especially when the guy I am working with has poor english and its so hard to communicate. Other than that, I am getting to know more people. Having said that its still rather superficial at this stage but I cant complain.

I am happy on the island. Not happy with the stuff that I am drinking though. But its just the culture here where everyone drinks like fishes. Its so bad its not even funny. But I was watching the news the other day where it said drinking more than 5 standard drinks in a day for guys would give brain damage.Haha.

Other than that everything is going well. I am going to look for more jobs and try and earn some more money after this week. Will try and uplod pictures from tmr night and wed night. Wed night is Paul's birthday and he is celebrating his 21st as well.Till next time. Miss you guys heaps.

2007-07-31T13:28:00.000+08:00

Its been a long while since I have last updated. Its been almost a week since I got to Hamilton Island. The island is great with amazing views on the way to and from work. The roads are really hilly though and quite steep. Been trying to run up the hills to this spot called One Tree Hill. Almost killed myself the first time I tried. But it was so worth it being up there to look at the sunset.

The accomodation isnt so great but its a roof over my head with a tv and a fridge so I cant complain very much. Getting to know lots of people and I realised how pathetic I am being lousy remebering peoples names. I think out of the 10 people I met at Sportz bar on Sunday, I probably only remember 5.I suck uh.

Work has been alright. 2 of us work on a room which is huge but the view I get from the room is amazing especially when it is high tide. So I am lucky like that. I am looking forward to being able to do all sorts of stuff here like getting my boating and jetski license. I am going to do my Responsible Service of Alcohol cert so that I am work in the bars and restaurants here. Was thinking of signing up for the bluecard and do some baby sitting work.

Anyway.its time to catch the boat back to the. Island. Hopefully I can get internet access soon!!

2007-06-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Its definitely not a good sign when I am bored on the 2nd night that I am back. Its honestly not that I dont have things like sorting out my luggage. Except I dont feel like doing it. I will do it soon. Soon being soon with no time frame whatsoever.

2007-06-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

the LCB gang and more.

Josh,Jane and Amanda

Dinners with the LCB gang on Tues night with 2 bottles of Shiraz, 2 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, 1 Bottle of chardonnay and a bubbly. It was a really good night celebrating our last nights before we see each other again in 6 months time.

Wed night was dinner with Josh,Jane and Amanda. Had a good time and they are really amazing people. Josh makes a really good mate to hang with. Jane is probably one of the nicest smartest girls I have met so far and Amanda is just amusing. Not in a bad way.

Somehow, I was really loving Adelaide and starting to make friends for real I guess. Its weird because leaving Adelaide felt like I was leaving something behind again. It was something like how I felt when I left Singapore for the first time.

Now its back to hot and sunny island city where I have to rush with everyone to squeeze on board the train or bus. Thats the only thing I hate about this place. For a society so advanced, we are so third world when it comes to our social graces.

Putting aside my whinging, its time for a real holiday and some sun.

Melbourne, melbourne

2007-06-18T16:01:00.000+08:00

So Melbourne was heaps fun. I seriously enjoyed one hell of a crazy weekend with the ruggers and Mel. It was really a good post exam activity. A real tiring one as well. Would love to share the details but some just arent meant to be share. What happens down under, stays down under. But it was definitely not a dirty weekend. Clean good fun. Ironic? Who cares. Check out some of the pictures.

the blue waterfall.

Jac,bernie and me

Getting it on in Lion Hotel, Melb Central.

Melb Central at night

2007-06-15T09:23:00.000+08:00

The process of making friends is always tough. It gets all the more harder when you find out that someone is being a hypocrite. A two faced ass. All the bitching and unhappiness behind your back, but in front of you he smiles,laughs and acts like he is your friend. On top of that, getting someone to write his assignments. I have never ever felt so strongly that good and honest work is not worth anything.

I never asked for the whole bleeding world to fall madly in love with me and fawn over me. I never asked to appear to be the most flipping popular guy in the whole wide world. And so there is one thing I hate the most. Hate is an understatement. I detest. That is someone who is a hypocrite. I hate sneaking around, lying and hypocrisy.

Ask me not to be so straight forward. Sorry. I cant. I am horrible and terrible with hiding my feelings. And make no mistake about it ladies and gentlemen, I am definitely not apologising for this flaw. These are things I have never been able to stand for and dont think I ever will. But if that day comes that I fall into that trap. Give me a kick.

I have given up being angry. Its more disappointed anger. So much for friendships uh.

2007-06-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

Its down to one. The last paper. I cant say I excited I am that its the last paper. But its accounting. Not my favourite subject and I have not touched my books for a month ever since the last class. Its time to sleep a while after last nights information overload.

faces I see

2007-06-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

These are faces I see on a daily basis. Faces I know and recognise since day one. Faces I talk to and work with. This extends to the face I live with.

I probably am being brutal classifying them as mere faces and nothing more. But honestly, sometimes I really do feel like there is nothing more to it. Maybe I make it that way and I probably sound cocky making it seem like I cant bring myself to make them more then just faces. But thats the honest brutal truth. Which is why I cant wait for the weekend. To see my friends.

I probably am getting myself too hyped up about this weekend. Expecting too much out of this weekend. You see, I know the drill. The more you expect, the more reality hits you. I have accepted this as a fact of life a long while ago. I seem to have forgotten and it is probably time to bring myself back down to earth.

Anyhow, its the start of exams tomorrow. I wont say I am prepared because preparation is just a state of mind. I will just say I tried because I dont even dare to say I tried my best as more effort could have really been put it. I feel like I am really getting a bit too full of myself. Reality check! Bedtime and a week ahead of madness!

2007-06-11T07:45:00.000+08:00

Melbourne here I come...I can hardly wait. Cant wait for the exams to be over before I fly down to Melbourne for the weekend to catch up with everyone in the gathering of sorts. The ruggers will be there, yue han and gang will be there. Now I dont feel like studying.

2007-06-09T14:41:00.000+08:00

I am finally done with serving in the restaurant. It was a good experience although it sometimes made me feel a bit worthless when I heard criticisms about my working style. Its all over and done with anyway. I never believed in having to change to suit anyone. I guess I did pretty well disregarding that comment.

Exams are next week. I sure am glad that I have a long weekend this week so that I can catch up with my revision.

Had a surprise visit this weekend by Mark teng,ying xiang,keith and kenneth. The gang took 2 days driving down from Melbourne stopping to explore much of the Great Ocean Road and the Grampions. Even they thought my apartment was a bit dirty. After exploring a bit of Adelaide they are off too Sydney for a week.

Its back to study after having too much fun already.

2007-05-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

I am officially done with two subjects. Cuisine and Bar service. This weeks means 2 more weeks more school left and 3 more weeks to going back home. I am just deciding if i should come back on the 21st or the 26th.

It is so incredibly fast. It seems so unreal that I only have 2 more weeks of school left. But its good I guess.

So now the question is when do I fly back??

2007-05-26T09:02:00.001+08:00

Its been quite a while. School is slowly coming to an end for the term. I am done with all the practical components and most of my assignments. All the theory tests are all coming up soon.

Been working the restaurant in school this week. Will be for the next 2 weeks. It has been interesting so far. Frustrating sometimes especially when you realise that there are people who talk more than they work. I really think I crack under pressure though. Bad habit of mine to get stressed out easily.

I have been having fun interacting with customers. Most of them are the senior citizen age demographic. Been getting quite good customers so far. One of my guests gave me a piece of advise. He said " you should come out of your shell more and not be so shy and get embarressed easily." He isnt exactly wrong. I realised more than ever, that I get red in the face so easily.

There is this whole inertia my brian is experiencing when it comes to studying. I know I really should get down to actually doing revision but I cant bring myself to do it. ok. I probably could but I guess I dont want to enough.

2007-05-15T18:06:00.000+08:00

Spent much time yesterday thinking about friends here and back home. I just felt the need to get off my chest the whole issue about feeling like I am all alone. Its been a while since I have honestly told someone how I felt or told someone my problems. The problem is that I am not able to allow anyone see any weakness in me. Perfection is my goal. I have probably carried this whole thing to far to the extent that I have not allowed the closest of friends even to see that I have hang ups, to see that I have problems or in this case to know that I feel all alone here.

When it comes to friends, I have always been guarded. I have tried letting my guard down. Probably not enough. I have always kept everyone at a distance, putting a wall between me and them. It becomes terribly hard when it comes to making friends. Especially new ones.

However, ask me to change to let my guard down even more is not as easy as it sounds. I have conciously or unconciously drilled into my mind to maintain and present a certain image and to not let anyone see me for my weaknesses. Ironic isnt it as I am baring my soul to the whole world on my blog. Somehow its different. You know what I mean.

I am trying to give it time. I have promised myself that I never change the very nature of my character as long as it does not affect anyone around me negatively. As joel says, to just be myself. I think the main point is to be able to accept myself for who I am before expecting people to accept me for who I am.

Soon everything will sort itself out I am sure. Just needed to untangle the mess of thoughts in my head and brace myself for the rest of this mad mad week.

2007-05-13T21:42:00.001+08:00

School is really getting crazy. I had to go out last night because i couldnt stay at home and force myself to do my report. 1500 easy stuff but I have already written more than 1500 words and counting and I am not done with my report.

On the bus today, I was suddenly hit by this sense of lonliness. It comes once in a while. It comes when I feel like going out but I just feel like there is no one good to hang out with. It comes when I start to think of my friends. It comes when I realise that I cant really have a heart to heart talk with anyone here. It comes when I realise that I dont know who to trust. No matter how much I numb myself and my feelings, it still comes back.

2007-05-13T21:42:00.000+08:00

2007-05-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

the crazy week is over.not for long though.with 2 assignments that were due this week it was crazy. I have not had a proper dinner the whole week and sleeping 2 hours the night before handing in my assignment was not funny.thats life.crazy week(s) are here to stay for the next month.

was a good boy tonight.Just going up to Norwood for dinner and spiderman.no clubs, no pubs.i am going to catch up on sleep tonight and its a long long weekend planned of marketing,errands,work and cleaning up my mess of a house.i want my hols!

2007-04-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

I finally finished one assignment after going through so many books on wine. After a while every other book said the same thing. Information I had and didnt really need. I have been going to the library so much. I have to start on my other assignment due on Thurs. I seriously dont wanna go to the library again. I honestly am starting to get an allergic reaction to that place. Someone save me please!

2007-04-24T23:46:00.000+08:00

I am so glad that its a public holiday tomorrow. Its only the 2nd week of school and I want my holidays back. Thats bad uh.

There is one thing that I hate the most and that is bad service. Its fine if its bad service all around but what irks me the most is preferential service. What makes it worst is that its in a chinese restaurant. If its by a local I have nothing to say but the fact that its an asian makes me want to spit with disgust. I am never ever going back to Wah Hing for dinner,lunch anymore. Its detestful and I am repulsed.

2007-04-23T18:11:00.000+08:00

So... yesterday was what i called the curse of procrastination. Rushing my assignment and realising that I did not have any references to adequately support my argument.

I am just so glad its over. I should really start on my wine studies report which is due next Monday. Maybe tomorrow.haha. I need my brain to relax for a while.

To my cousin who reads this. sorry I have not been replying the comments. Blogger keeps screwing up with the comments. talk to you online soon!

2007-04-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

So...its back to school already. Been watching Korean drama since Sunday night. Finally finished watching it this afternoon. I did my work as well. Although I should have probably done more.

Somehow these few days after the trip I feel kind of heavy hearted. It somehow comes from realising all over again who my good friends are. After Melbourne and Brisbane, just hanging out with friends. Real friends whom I have worked with, gone through shit with. Coming back to Adelaide, everything just seems to frivolous. All the relationships with people around just seems like fluff.

I am to a certain extent probably missing home a bit more than I was. I hate to admit it. But maybe I do. Back to the grind again. Maybe once I plunge back into the whole world of rushing and balancing I will be fine. Sounds like escapism but thats what I am good at.

2007-04-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

Its been such a long while. School has been quite busy and I am a lazy blogger. Hols came and are going to be gone. Trip down to Melbourne and Brisbane was great. Hanging out with Sean and Shumin in Brisbane. Jac in Melb together with the council girls. Although Karen played me out. Cant really upload all the pictures now but will just upload a few.

Will upload more soon. I miss Brisbane already.

2007-03-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a while.Almost 2 weeks. I am in between classes now and while I know I should be using this half an hr to try and squeeze in some accounting revision, I honestly dont see a point in doing so.

Exam is tomorrow and for those who have done accounting I have no clue as to how to post the details in the general ledger. I know what I am supposed to do but I do not know how to.

I really cant do this paper on my own tomorow.

2007-03-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

Its been downhill ever since I got back. I feel even more frustrated then ever. Frustrated with myself for being so disorganised. Frustrated that I cant perform better than I am doing now. The house is in a mess, everything feels like its a mess. I know its too early to feel so tired of school. But i am. I really am.

I am not homesick or anything. I enjoy classes and the friends. But my whole life seems to be upside down. With exams coming and assignments due before i know it, I dont seem to be having the sense of urgency dealing with all these.

2007-03-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

Course Commencement Ceremony 2007 at SEBEL PLAYGROUND.

It was a rather good night. Lots to drink. Good champagne. Altough there was nothing to eat. Except for some finger food. But with 350 people in the function room the food somehow never gets to you.It was one crazy crazy night.

Cherie toh. These pictures are especially for you.haha.

2007-03-08T20:34:00.000+08:00

Accounting is a pain. I am going crazy trying to fill up the damn sheets. I give up. Its almost near to impossible to get it and I dread going for class now because as the lessons progress, I dont understand even more and my timetable sucks so it doesnt help. I HATE ACCOUNTING. Its driving me nuts.

2007-03-06T15:31:00.000+08:00

It was the worst possible day in the longest time ever. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. I know that I should try as much as possible to put behind me whatever went on during the past 24hrs. It always take me a long time to put everything behind me or to let it out of my system.

I somehow thought things were different. Old habits die hard. I just feel so pressured by everything and mostly by myself. Thing is when I put pressure on myself I avoid doing the necessary. It makes things worse.

I shall just crawl into bed and sleep it away. Hopefully.

2007-02-27T07:05:00.000+08:00

I am back in Adelaide. The weather is a lot cooler which is good. I like it. Although I end up shivering every morning when I wake up.

In latest news. I suddenly got my room mate. Ok. Not so sudden but it kinda happened rather quickly. There was a bit of a screw up with things so Peter packed up everything and moved across the street to my apartment in an afternoon. I thought it was madness. Everything should work out fine. I am glad I got the room mate so things are a bit easier and hes quite a cool guy and he cooks korean food cos his mom is half korean.haha.Oh yeah.

I finally got my broadband up. Finally, its been a month long wait plus all the problems trying to get it to work. I did it myself. Ok not really myself. You catch my drift. So i am quite happy. I was cooking eggs and bacon yesterday and the pan seriously sucked. The egg got stuck to the pan cos the oil mixed with the egg when I poured the egg into the pan. It was so hard to scrub the pan I just threw it away.I bought a new one.

The school industry placement department told me today that I got the job at Hamilton Island. Start date is 23 July. I can be back for your wedding cousin! Although I am not so sure if I can come back for yan's wedding and moms birthday and christmas. Shit. Apparently they were really impressed with my answers. I got my job secured. Hopefully. I gotta sort out the december plans now or lack thereof.bah.

http://www.needtoescape.com/Hamilton-Island/Beach-Club.html- check this out.my supposed work place.

2007-02-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

I cant believe she is gone. It made me feel sick to see her lying motionless. To not have her call me "TIMMY!", to not hear her laughter, to not ask me to stay longer when I am about to leave. To not see her sit on her favourite chair. Admittedly, I was not extremely close to her. But she had a special place in my heart, she still does and she always will.

I had to stop myself from crying anymore today. I knew I had to stop. When the doors to the furnance closed, I just held my moms hand and I couldnt cry anymore. When I had to put her remains in the urn, I felt sick to my stomach. It was the worst feeling ever.

I know she is in a better place. I know she has had a long and fruitful life. She was an incredibly strong and spunky woman. I miss her. Its the hardest thing to accept that she is really gone. The hardest most difficult thing.

-In loving memory,you will forever be in my thoughts-

miss you ah ma.

2007-02-18T01:57:00.000+08:00

In loving memory.

I wish you didnt have to go.

2007-02-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

The Merrymen forever.If you cant read the quote, it says:

"As we grow older,things must change.But they don't always have to end.Even though it is different now, you will always be my friend"

To the friends who have always been there and who will continue to be there,I miss you guys a lot. Our circumstances will change,but I know and I hope the friendship will not change.

New chapters in each of our lives, new challenges.

To make us stronger,to make us wiser.

Through it all, let not distance weaken our friendship.

2007-02-10T21:03:00.000+08:00

Weekends here.It was supposed to be a scorcher but its been quite cool.Surprisingly.Had a rather interesting end of the week.Its always fun to hang out but staying alone is getting rather sad.

Had dinner at Chinatown with some school friends.On the way back,we passed by this place which was yet to be opened.But they were letting people go in and view the place.The place was a karaoke and supper place.They have rooms decorated according to different themes and it was beautiful.Really nice.The management let us try out the sound system.its my first time in a karaoke place.

I gotta catch up on some of my work tomorrow.Grandma's still in ICU.But according to mom she has accepted God.So I hope its a sign of more good things to come.

2007-02-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

Its been 3 weeks.Its gonna be a month soon.I am rather tired already with school.Hoping to be able to get someone to share the apartment with me.Its been getting rather quiet and a little lonely I guess.Slowly getting used to the rigourous schedule of school although its really exhausting.By my 3rd and last lesson today I felt completely drained.To think I wanted to get in some part time work.I am slowly working on my relationships with the people in school.They are great to hang around with.Although, I still miss the friends back home.

Grandma is in ICU.Its quite serious and I hope she really does get better.But she is old and she is really in a lot of pain.Its quite sad I guess.Can hear from Mom's voice that she is really drained as well.

Do I miss home?yeah I do.I sometimes wonder what goes on at home.The difference is that I dont pine for home.I guess to a certain extent,it has not really set in yet.I dont feel anything yet.However,I do miss home very much to say the least.

ps:bernie.sorry.ran out of credits to talk.anyway,just do with your life what you see fit.hopefully
it all works out for you.

Big Day Out @Barossa Valley

2007-02-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

the Herbig Tree.

family at the Whispering wall

whispering wall.

you can hear other people speak from extreme ends of the wall.

the reservoir at the whispering wall.amazing blue water.

2007-02-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

Its scorching hot today.Its been the whole weekend.Today is 40degress and I certainly hope for some rain.

went up to Barossa Valley yesterday to do some sightseeing.I must say that it was a little disappointing as we were hoping to be able to see the vineyards and the winery.But it didnt get to happen.Did see some interesting stuff though and bought some Wolf Blass wine which is cheap.freaking cheap.If you buy it back home its like triple the price.

School is getting harder by the day.Days are long and lessons arent easy to get by.But i wanted it so I will have to make the best out of it.Financial accounting makes my head swim with what are assests,liabilities,expenses and the whole credit and debit thing.I have rooms divisions operations and i have to make beds as part of the practical aspect of the subject.Oh yeah and I take this subject called Beverage Service Ops(BSO).its an interesting subject where i learn how to set up bars and learn how to mix drinks and stuff.The practical exam is a very demanding exam where I have to mix a few drinks within a time limit and everything must be correct.other than that,i have been slowly getting to know people a bit better.

a few people have asked me about the little incident that happened last sunday.last sunday after the day at Glenelg,I was walking through the street back to the apartment,when a shirtless guy who was hanging out with his friends approached me.He somehow implied that I had to give him my shirt because he didnt have one.when I asked why.he said that I had better.He came right up to my face.I had the army t-shirt iin my bag and so decided to give that one to him to avoid any trouble.I wasnt planning on becomming a hero and doing a body combat on him.I probably wouldnt have been able to as well.so much for this friendly land uh.

2007-01-30T21:09:00.000+08:00

Classes have started.Its been alright so far.have to get used to studying all over again.As much as this place doesnt feel unfamiliar because I have been here a few times,its still with a bit of unease that i walk the streets.

Many think that being overseas is glamourous,is the thing.Many think the being overseas is an incredible experience.It is exciting no doubt.But as I have found out,the grass is always greener on the other side.It is with much discomfort that I start and carve out a new life for myself here.There are just so many things to balance and one has to work extra hard to prove himself in a place where fish&chips are better than sweet and sour fish.As much as we would like to think that everyone is friendly and welcoming,it somehow becomes clear that it isnt really the case.

Being away from what is familiar,being away from friends.You learn how to treasure what you had.Friends,familiarity,comfortable routines.I realised what friendship means and the value of it.How disappointing some friends can be and what true friends really are.Its sad to see how some people just want to just disappear from your life.Its fine really.I have accepted it as life.You try and maintain friendships,but you cant help friends coming and going.Just treasure the present,hope for the future and dont expect.

We are all at the stage of carving out a future for ourselves.I am in Aust now.Soon Sean will leave for Brisbane,dave,bert and tris will leave for US and UK respectively.Who are we going to leave behind in our pursuit of stability and the high life.

2007-01-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

so...i got some form of connection at home and its such an incredible relieve you wont know.since everyone has been waiting will upload some pictures.

so in true tim chek fashion.i decided to take a picture of my messed up new haircut.it was horrible.and in true fashion,i decided to give the smouldering look.I know how much this would tickle the guys pink.haha.so its for you merry man!miss u guys!

Port Noarlunga.Amazing place where we went for dinner with Uncle Harlan,his wife,Julia and Ben and their friend from Japan Toru.Thai food.Nice.but nothing like Thai food from Paddy Fields or Bangkok.But it was a good dinner.Julia and Ben are great people.Ben is so passionate about God and it kinda put me to shame.but i realy admired how he spoke to Toru abt God and stuff.Amazing.

2007-01-24T15:54:00.000+08:00

Day 3 of school.Got my timetable.Its really starting to remind me a lot about JC days.Schools gonna be quite hectic.Todays the first day I wore my uniform.And it looks like I cant keep long shaggy hair.I gotta cut it.Damn!And cutting hair here is not the cheapest thing in the world.I gotta start searching for a good and cheap stylist.not an easy task.ugh.School requires me to have neat hair.Above the collar.

Still using the internet cafe.Gonna be using it for a very long time.I probably wont get my internet up till end of this mth or early next mth.sigh.

2007-01-23T10:55:00.000+08:00

Its been a while.Things have been rather hectic.Trying to get my household stuff and make sure the apartment looks a bit more homely.

So i cried when I had to walk through the gate.I thought I was all right.But looking at the box the guys,serene and rachel gave me,with all the photos inside.I became a mess.I knew how much I would be missing them.Looking at the notes,I remembered why we were such good friends for so long after all.Still miss them a hell lot.

I have my very own duck now.Duck with the bobbing head.Supposedly part of the drivers club now.I love the not so little card by Bernie,Jac and Sam.Although i am quite sure that jac did the card and the other 2 wrote the notes.I think I am right.The duck is now sitting proudly on my table.

Schools been alright.I got my uniform today.Snazzy outfit for school.haha.Met a few accquaintances.Still miss all the friends back home a hell lot.I dont think I will ever stop missing them.I just have to try not to think about it that much.

Home has no internet connection.So I am using an internet cafe.Its quite frustrating cos I need to go through so many things to get it set up and its gonna take a while.bah!

I miss everyone back home.even those overseas.catch up soon.

2007-01-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

its way too fast.i am feeling very unprepared for this.it was a good week.a week of catching up.i am quite tired honestly.so many photos to upload.kinda lazy.

bag is all packed.just have some last mintue items left.for those who are interested.i depart at 1945hrs.Flying Qantas.its no turning back now.

2007-01-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

I have never believed that anyone could be a constant in my life.No friend,no lover,no partner.To the extent that I am skeptical that even family members can be a constant in my life.Because of that,I have almost always never allowed anyone to get too close to me.As I always felt the need to protect myself and my interest.By allowing this wall to come up around me as this fortress of protection,it has in the process caused a rift between me and those around me.I dont let myself loose as easily as I would like to or as much as friends would like me to.I have hardened myself in the process.lately I wonder if I am hurting myself even more.

Last weekend in Singapore

2007-01-16T10:25:00.000+08:00

Saturday dinner at my house.

time to catch up with everyone at the same time cos this week is so damn packed.i hope i survive the week.thanks to all those who came.really glad that could catch up.

sunday in church.lunch with cherie tan at Sun&Moon.

damn good food.jap yakitori dinner with friends and dessert at BK.haha.pie.

2007-01-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

family dinner on Fri.honestly,my family has way too much drama.i think its gotta do with the fact that its mostly female hormones.check out the caricature they got for me as a farewell gift.its damn cute.haha.shall bring it and put it somewhere.i know it doesnt exactly resemble me but they took it from a photo in which i wasnt wearing my glasses.they took it from grandma's birthday pictures just recently.still like it all the same.

2007-01-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

the pictures are finally up.oh yeah.

should go check out The Pump Room.

nice ambience and the foods not too bad.

but company is everything.dinner with bernie,jac and sam.

company is always good.

2007-01-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

there is just so many things going on the past few days.its the whole leaving to study that is affecting me a bit more than i ever realise.i feel like i need a breather.and i dont know why i even bother to try.to try so hard to organise so many things.and end up feeling disappointed.

2007-01-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

Dinner last night with Bern,Jac and Sam at The Pump Room at Clarke Quay.Food was not too bad.I liked the sauteed mushrooms with garlic and herbs and my burger was nice.except a tad bit small.haha.Company was always good.Pity blogger is screwed up.Cant upload my pictures.When I can,I will.

2007-01-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

everythings been moving so fast the past week.and somehow,i am glad for the past few days where i was just able to laze around at home and not do anything.it gave me time to think,get myself in order.and to actually start packing.

i have not thought about what to expect for the year ahead.somehow,i stopped expecting,stopped dreaming.last week caleb asked me what my dreams were.i told him i had none.sounds sad,especially when i used to believe that without dreams,you are just an empty shell.up to a certain point,i stopped dreaming and stopped hoping.somehow,dreams started to seem to fluffy.dreams started to be a nice term for lofty aspirations that i prob would never be able to reach.i do dream a little sometimes,like how in 15 years time,i would be running a chain of hotels.but i never focus on them.its more of a passing thought.

someone was talking to me about how she was afraid for her last semester as a student.how she was not getting the courses she wanted.instinctively,i wanted to say you will do well,dont worry.but i held back.its not that she would not.i am sure she would.i believe so.it just felt like saying that would have been so cliche and it would not have put her at ease anyway.

yesterday i was thinking.thinking about the year ahead,starting afresh overseas.in a place so familiar yet unknown.honestly,i am afraid.i am scared.i feel so small just thinking about it.i have been trying to psych myself and tell myself that its going to be a great experience.i realised,i have to stop thinking.stop having expectations of what is going to happen,stop trying to predict the future for myself.and just hope for the best and expect the worst.when i am at that point where things do not seem to work out for me,to just trudge on.i know,there will definitely be points where i will want to give up.but i have to just trudge on.and when its time to reflect,what didnt seem right,suddenly fits into the picture perfectly.

2007-01-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

pictures from grandma's birthday.other cousins have other pictures.there was supposed to be a theme.so i was supposed to look a bit hip hop.just that u cant really see the bling bling which i got. granny has the tiara which we sneakily put on her.

2007-01-08T20:19:00.000+08:00

I know this is damn late.almost a week late.from new year where we all designed out own t-shirts.check out davids six pack.

anyway,its countdown to leaving.never expected things to move so quickly.its still rather overwhelming.so i finally got my packing list out...

t-shirts
work shirts
pants
jackets
unmentionables & socks
gym attire(i dont intend to look like a pork bun)
detergent
slippers
shoes
toiletries(knowing me this is a rather large item)
towels
stationary
kitchen equipment
bedsheets,pillowcases,blanket

if it doesnt look a lot to you,it does to me.

2007-01-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

so...i finally got the pictures up from the party.as usual with the girls there will always be scrambling for photo moments.

we all crammed into jassyB's car where i was squishing cherie toh in the ribs,to get a bit of late night action at eunos.was a good night.thanks joy boo for organising.

2007-01-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

the holiday season is mostly over and i am caught the bug.my throat hurts and that sucks.really could do without falling ill especially now.

New Years Eve was a blast.of course with a little episode.something i wished never occurred but sometimes one has to draw the line and let others know where the limit is.some part of me wishes i could have done it some other way.a better way.but there are somethings that no matter how you try and put it can never be pleasant.

I am thankful for my friends who were accomodating and who had already decided that nothing and no one should spoil the last new year that we would spend together as a group.

NYE was spent at Tris hse and zouk.Velvet was incredible fun.We went in t-shirts that we had drawn ourselves.I dont remember having so much fun.Got back home incredibly late.

New Years day dinner at Joy boo's house.had a good time.as always.pictures will come up later.i gotta find a way to upload the whole episode of val's pebbleish buah keluak nut.haha.

and now i am falling sick.sleep is in order...

2007-01-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

The year has come and gone just like that.everyone is doing their own reflections.its the right time for me to do mine.to have a sense of closure to the year that has just passed.

2006 was a rather good year.I got the chance to travel a fair bit.I started getting used to the whole military lifestyle,made good friends and I guess i learned a lot in the process.Army I would say was not a completely redundant experience.While it was not discipline I had to learn,it was learning how to push myself further than what I feel that I can achieve.

Work at the hotel,while frustrating at the beginning,taught me much.It taught me what not to do,showed me that there was still very much about the industry that I would have to learn and made me desire to want to know more.

I finally passed my driving.after a really long time,something I thought I would never be able to do.my friends didnt think so either.they think i am quite a hazard on the road.I say I did have a bit of help.Divine help.I really did think that I was going to fail and I was estatic to know that I passed.

This year has also made me realise how much more I need to grow up.It has made me realise that I have to stop making the same mistakes again and to start making new ones and learning from them.I always thought that I would live with whatever decisions I make and not regret.as much as I would like to,there are times,where I still regret.I still believe in having no regrets,but I now believe that with every decision that I make,there is always this area where I can consider if I have made a better decision.

When I look back at the year,I realise I have really been very fortunate and very blessed.Blessed with friends who genuinely care.Friends who go the extra mile.Friends who are forgiving and accept you for who you are.Friends whom you know you would have a good time with regardless.

Year 2007.Whatever it brings,ready or not,I will take it as it comes.School starts in 3 weeks time and I am nervous as hell.I am trying not to think about it.New environment,new lifestyle.back to school and time to hit the books.my brain is still rusty.I am excited about what I am gonna be learning.2007.here I come.its time to find a girlfriend.

2007-01-01T14:35:00.000+08:00

The party was a blast.cooking was stressful.kept telling myself i had dug my own grave by deciding to cook.it all ended up good.thanks everyone for coming and for the little presents and bottles of wine.

2006-12-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

pictures from Bernies christmas dinner on the 26th.christmas has just been a little overwhelming.the food that night was simply amazing.shall let the pictures do the talking.

2006-12-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

For the very first time in my life,i have seen how death is so very real.yesterday at the gym,i watched as a man lay unconcious on the floor,on the verge of death.the paramedics were there to try and resuscitate him,a medical doctor was there to try and save the man's life.it was like a scene from the movies.it was reality,yet at the same time,it was all so surreal.i watched his wife's face.the helplessness,the fear and that little bit of hope that he will be alright.and i couldnt watch anymore.it was all a bit too much,too painful.

Its scary to see a life slip away like that.to watch someone lie helpless on the floor.its not only sobering.it makes u think.makes you want to appreciate what you have not.it makes you want to make sure you do that one thing that completes your life.

Check out the article below.From CNA website.

Man collapses while exercising at fitness club
By Hasnita A Majid, Channel NewsAsia Posted: 20 December 2006 2010 hrs

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man, believed to be in his 50s, collapsed while exercising on a treadmill at the California Fitness Club in Orchard Road on Wednesday morning. He was there training with his wife. The fitness club said he was immediately attended to by one of its trainers, who is a certified first aider, as well as other members present. Emergency services were also called and paramedics arrived soon after. The man was taken to the Singapore General Hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival. California Fitness says this is the first time such an incident has happened at its club. It says all its trainers are trained in first aid to render help in such a situation. Police are investigating the case, which has been classified as unnatural death. - CNA/so

2006-12-16T15:14:00.000+08:00

staff dinner and dance.my first ever.it was an experience.the theme was vegas night although no one really bothered to dress up.i was wearing my work attire.it was rather fun.there was the usual games and lucky draw.being the newest staff on board i was pushed up on stage for the games.and not forgetting crude jokes from the cross dressing emcee about the male and female anatomy.i am quite sure the senior staff were blushing.

working night shift is no joke.its all about numbers and reports.my head was swimming by 7am this morn.night shift again tonight.off to catch a nap.again.

2006-12-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

so it isnt everyday that you hear that your good friend got attacked by a group of parang wielding madmen.what the hell!

2006-12-11T22:18:00.000+08:00

i hv 2 more weeks of work left.already i am counting down to the last day of work with anticipation.how does anyone get through the year or month like that?i cant bear to imagine.

realised i have about 6 weeks left to my departure.i dont know if i am really looking forward to it.i have been so caught up with work and trying to get rest that i have not even thought about it.

had a good weekend spending time with friends whom i have not hung out with in 2 years.i realised that hanging out with friends and having a good time doesnt have to be spent in orchard road or at some hip coffee joint or the latest bar along dempsey road.sometimes its the simplicity of friendship that is the most beautiful.and very often we like to complicated it.

2006-12-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

this happened at work a few days ago.i was just so amazed at my colleague's stupidity.someone was trying to get into the carpark but was not able to.so he pressed the help button.the intercom is manned by us at the front desk.so i answered the intercomm.

it occurred to me that the carpark might be full.so i went into the back office to ask if the carpark was full.heres how the conversation went.

me:is the carpark full?

colleague:i dont know.the system doesnt say.but it shows vacancy zero.

i was stumped by the extreme lack of intelligence.i say stumped for lack of a better word.

2006-12-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

in latest news...there is gonna be an addition to the family.or should i say an extension of the family.

2006-12-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

2 more weeks of work left.work has been more peaceful and a little more enjoyable of late,since one of the senior staff went on leave to China.

i must say,i have learnt quite a bit from speaking to some of the other senior staff,who have provided me with useful tips and insights.this is just the beginning of much more to come.i am definitely looking forward to stopping work.not having to wake up at 6 in the morning to start the morning shift,or getting back at 11pm after afternoon shift.

so often i do so many stupid and dumb things that i regret.yet,i never learn from my mistakes.i am just so tired of having to learn from my foolishness time and time again.i hv absolutely no idea what i am doing half the time.sometimes i feel like i am doin everything wrong.i am really tired.

2006-11-28T16:37:00.000+08:00

the boy with the talent strikes again.you obviously know it isnt me.check this out.joels comic strip on speaking good english. tell me what u think!

speaking of language.i realised today that i am seriously handicapped when it comes to communicating in chinese.

2006-11-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

jap food

max brenners desserts!

our birthday boy and the candle tt refused to go out.

2006-11-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!

sorry we kinda forgot...

birthday dinner with sam,bern and jac last night.had a good time and lot of good food.jap restaurant near republic plaza and max brenners for dessert.load up the other pictures soon.really tired.

2 weeks of work is almost up.all i can say is that it has been quite an experience so far and the politics at work is scary.if such stuff can happen at the lowest level,i cant begin to imagine what its like up at the management level.its horrible.i am kinda glad i have only 4 weeks left.

dinner with the barker boys tonight.its been 3 almost 4 yrs since i have seen justin and alan.it was a good night.

really tired.need to sleep.damn ulcers.

2006-11-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

think of pretty things.christmas party invite done by joel.i like it a hell lot.david and i decided to exploit joel's artistic talents.haha.you will be getting yours soon.provided you are invited of course.haha.but pretty much everyone is invited.looking forward to the week when all hell breaks loose in prep for the party.haha.oh yeah

anyhow,a week has passed at work.i guess i am adjusting a bit more to work.getting a bit more comfortable with the working environment.altho i still think the working environment could be a hell lot better.i must say though that i was expecting a more all rounded experience in terms of working in a hotel.i guess working right at the bottom is the way to go.i am trying not to complain too much but my ankles are.

aussie is coming up soon.flights booked for the 19th of jan.visas got a bit of screw ups.idp just happily screwed me over.i gotta try and sort it out.ugh.

2006-11-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

i dont know whats up but things just dont seem to be going the way i want it to.i dont know when i started losing myself to anger,frustration.

2006-11-15T21:10:00.000+08:00

day 3 of work as a front office clerk at the hotel.standing on your feet for 8 hours at one shot with a 45 mins lunch break in between is not funny.honestly,there is much left to be desired in terms of service and professionalism from the staff.i guess every workplace has its culture,although i am off the opinion that this hotel has so much more to offer.

day 3 and i am tired.every lunch break seems like an amazing race to make sure i make it back in time and not get scolded.starting to make my mistakes checking guests in.they senior staff are rather patient but i'd rather not test their patience.

i was told today that this hotel sector is very demanding and i realised that when i go into it full time,it is going to take a lot of sacrifices.i started to wonder if i chose this line because i thought it was glitz and glamour of mingling with guests and working in a nice place.but everything is an appearance.as with any other profession.we all think being a model,fashion designer or even being a lawyer is glamourous.it earns us big bucks.but everything before our innocent,naive eyes is all an appearance.beneath the surface is hard work,sweat and blood.and as david said,nothing is ever easy,but its the interest in it that makes it easier to bear.

day 3.blood,sweat,tears.and more to come.

2006-11-12T09:32:00.000+08:00

didnt realise i had some comments on my earlier posts.

Juliet!how did you manage to find the blog?glad the pictures made you happy.come back for christmas!haha.

to this person who is just known as 'simple living' ,i did buy the dvd set in the end.it was actually much easier than downloading.dont like to be a pirate anyway.haha.

2006-11-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

the things you learn from miss rebecca ye...

panopticism.it was greek to me when i saw the words and i reeled in horror and cowered in fear when i saw the 20page essay that she had written.but i soldiered on.haha.

so in a nutshell,heres what i learnt:
panopticism:whereby social discipline is enforced by certain social rules and norms,that we who make up society have to abide by.these social rules and norms are not physically enforced on ourselves by external powers,but we follow them for fear of judgement and ramifications should we stray from these norms.

i feel a bit smarter than usual now.haha.

2006-11-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

today felt like a rather horrid day.i just spent the whole day feeling so empty.probably the essence of fresh out of the army with nothing to do.not for long though.

with work coming up,and my leaving for studies really soon,its starting to make me think a lot,worry a lot and all the "what ifs" are popping up all over the place.i really wanna catch up with everyone again and i know that the time before i leave is gonna fly right past.right now,i honestly feel lost and with so many things uncertain.just waiting for monday to come and probably things will be clearer.

2006-11-09T21:12:00.000+08:00

So,I am starting work next Monday at the front desk of a hotel.Its not a major hotel which looks very glamorous but I think it would be good enough for me to start off.I just hope that I would be able to catch up with everyone despite work during this time.Looking forward to it although I must say that I can see myself whining about work once I am well into it.

2006-11-08T01:16:00.000+08:00

22 months is not a long time.neither is it a short time.from day 1,i looked forward to today,where i would be officially released from full time service.i yearned for that day so much till my head often felt like it was going to burst from all the wishing and hoping.

The 22 months have been draining,exciting,full of ups and downs and full of tears and heartache.i have made myself miserable,my parents worry.i have in the process grown somewhat bitter and resentful.

22 months of wearing green has been an experience i would never forget.despite having so many struggles,i have come out a much stronger person.i have learnt and seen many things.i have seen for myself,who are the people who would stick by you,i have made wonderful friends in sam and bernie,i have seen that i can do whatever i put my mind to.i believe that i have come out more resilient more independent.

needless to say,the whole process has changed me as a person.although i somehow cant help but feel that somewhere along the way,i lost myself and i cant help but feel sorry for the loss of who i used to be.either that,or i have grown and see things from a different perspective.

Having said that,i dont regret the 22 months.i dont wish that none of it happened and i dont wish that it would have turned out another way.i believe that it was something that i had to go through and i cannot be anymore satisfied with the way things have worked out for me.

At the end of all this,i only have this to say.ever so often,we are blinded by what we want and what we desire and in the middle of a storm,the only thing we can ever see are the raindrops and the lightning bolts before us.we just have to sit through the storm.of course,everything i say now is in retrospect.but having the bravery,courage and resilience is something that only we can unlock from within us.

and after all this,i can only hope that i am prepared for what is to come and that somehow,i would be able to get back the joy that was in me,to erase the bitterness and resentment.the close of one chapter, the start of something better.

2006-11-05T13:03:00.000+08:00

Its been a good weekend.Sat out with Sam and bernie shopping.Finally got what I was looking for.Went down to sungei road.Its something like a flea market selling the most random things from gramaphones to army helmets,handphones,old cameras right down to porn.

Dinner with the group from school.Went down to Vibe restaurant at Meritus Negara.It was a rather good buffet spread.had my fair share of oysters and fresh seafood.Churrasca was damn good and the chocolate fondue with very sweet strawberries.had a good time having dinner with them and later coffee at starbucks, where Jason poh was being blatantly checked out by this guy seated at a table behind us.it was hilarious.

2006-11-02T14:00:00.000+08:00

Been feeling like a brat having lousy days.everyone says dont need to get so mad.and that gets me even more irritated.because the one thing i hate is when people cant take me seriously and think that i am one big joke.i hate it when others think i am making noise for the sake of it.and i especially hate it when i get taken for granted.

2006-10-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

-da ben dan-

I sometimes cant believe the things i do.hold on tight to your chair otherwise you are gonna fall off laughing at me.

I kind of got hooked onto the korean television serial that is being aired on channel U at 7.Its called "princess hours".So instead of faithfully waiting to catch every episode that is aired,I wanted to go and get the dvd especially after andrew told me that his sister had the dvd with ENGLISH subtitles.So today,I decided to go to HMV and pick up the dvd after gym.

I cant read chinese and so i picked up the dvd assuming it showed the drama series.And I thought that there would only be one such dvd.So,when I got home,I decided to watch it on my computer and lo and behold!

First of all,no ENGLISH subtitles.The whole disc is in korean and chinese subtitles.The subtitles arent even simplified chinese subtitles.But the subtitles simplified chinese or not is besides the point cos I cant read chinese for nuts like that.

Secondly,the dvd doesnt even show the episodes.Its a dumb dvd interviewing the actors of the series and like showing clips of the series,behind the scenes and bloopers.

So there i am sitting in front of the computer kicking myself,while my mouth is opened in exasperation at how stupid I had been.

ps:you can stop laughing now...

2006-10-29T14:31:00.000+08:00

timbre flea market with Shaun lim,Serene.Joel,Bert and Cherie toh.the guys were trying to sell stuff.crowd wasnt all that enthusiastic about buying stuff tho.bought a t-shirt which i thought was a cream colour but it turned out to be yellow.not colour blind but it was just too damn dark.

2006-10-26T13:20:00.000+08:00

there are days when you wonder why you allow PEOPLE to mercilessly make fun of you when you sit there trying your best to be detached.to grin and bare it.

in those moments of wondering,you realise why.because these PEOPLE are special,because you know at the end of the day,they have your back.because,these PEOPLE are otherwise commonly known as FRIENDS.

everyone has told me that i think too much.i agree.whenever something happens,i spend every waking hour pondering,reflecting,possibly blaming myself for what went wrong.but when it comes to certain things,i cant bring myself to be detached,to be in a situation where there no strings attached.because then the relationship is no longer a friendship.

its a delicate balance and i am still trying to find it.

2006-10-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

Caught The Black Dahlia with Bernie,Sam and Shuhui.

I was rather lost for the first part of the show and thought that I was the only one.

haha.Kinda glad I wasnt the only one.

The show made you follow the "clues" and try and figure them out.

i was damn clueless and only got the whole thing at the end of the show.

its the kinda show that makes you go "OH!"

It was a damn gruesome show that makes me wanna hug the sides of my mouth.

Supper at NYDC and I was strangely hungry having eaten dinner before the movie.

Guess I had to take my mind off the viceral images.Ugh.

Had a good night out after being cooped upped at home for the past 2 days,

although Sam and Bernie were being mean asses.

Still, love them nonetheless.

Of course bernie would say I am the bitch.

ps:Bernie: I know yr gonna read this sooner or later.

2006-10-22T23:13:00.002+08:00

So...i am a sick little bugger now.Everyones been bitching about the haze and I am trying hard not to,cos like it or not its gonna be here to stay for a while.Going to be medicated for a while so,I think my friends will be grateful for the peace and quiet they will get while I am drugged.Been sleeping so much,but I think I really need it.The past week has been rather memorable with Bernie's ORD celebration,where I drank too much.Not touching alcohol for a while.

Sat night was spent at Timbre supporting Flybar and I know I am biased, but they were the best.And the coolest thing is that they won.So Flybar is on their way to Hong Kong to compete on the world stage.Pity I didnt bring my camera so no pictures.But congrats to Flybar.You guys are the best!

2006-10-17T17:49:00.000+08:00

Today,i almost killed myself.death by weights.

Today,i walked under banners again.I smiled like a jackass

Today,i saw a girl with emerald green eyes.The kind that pulls you in,the kind that makes your heart go.

I was mesmerized

Right now,I think i am really losing it.

2006-10-16T21:30:00.000+08:00

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
George Washington
First president of US (1732 - 1799)

I need not say more.Its a quote that stood out to me because of recent events and it is so true.Fast friendships never make lasting and good friendships. Be it between people you meet at work,in school.Between friends,camp mates,colleagues,friends who are your superiors.It stays true.

2006-10-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

I dont like to get into arguments and I dont like awkward situations.Yet,time and time again,I think I have this knack for saying things at the wrong time and being too direct.I have a reputation for being a bitch and for the longest time, I have been comfortable with that.lately,I wonder if I am my own undoing. I have told someone this before and I know it for a fact,that when people have negative things to say about you, look at yourself and reflect and dont always think your the misunderstood one, or that you are the victim or mindless ridicule.

When it comes to friends,I am willing to give.I am willing to listen to your problems,help you solve your problems.I have no problems with giving.its unfair placing expectations on your friends,expecting them to reciprocate,expecting them to know what your thinking or feeling,expecting them to be there for you like how your willing to be there for them.When you expect,you can very well expect to be disappointed, to be let down. At the same time,it would be nice to be on the receiving end.Someone said,while its fair to expect,you shouldnt.It doesnt mean its wrong.It just makes you human.Somehow,being human feels so wrong,feels so lousy.

2006-10-15T18:20:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, I am getting cold feet.
Suddenly, I start to wonder if I made the right decision or if I chose well.
Suddenly, all the "what ifs?" start to overwhelm me.

I have always never been able to trust the judgements I make.Never been able to stand on one side,never been able to commit to something because of the fear of failure,because of the fear of error and having to pay for my mistakes.Then comes the question,when will I ever be able to find that sense of security within me,to trust me.To trust in the almighty because ME and I would never be enough.

2006-10-12T19:01:00.000+08:00

I was walking to the mrt station today past Mandarin Hotel along orchard today.They have these banners along the pavement.I was walking rather close to the banners that were hung vertically on a pole and it was not very high up from the pavement.

I started walking under the banners and I thought to myself. "your so darn short that you can walk under the banners". Then I somehow started smiling to myself.Call me crazy but I guess its all about being comfortable with yourself.

2006-09-29T18:07:00.000+08:00

FLYBAR!!

...And they made it to the finals...

2006-09-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

"Nothing is easier than self deceit. For what each man wishes,that he also believes to be true"

- Demosthenes

Demosthenes was a great greek orator who killed himself at his failure to be able to obtain freedoom for Greece.This quote is one of his many great quotes.Googling his name,you will find many quotes that show you how wise and how great and orator he was.Coming from someone who stuttered from young.

It is so easy to lie to ourselves and even easier to lie to the people whom we love,in order to get what we want, to be able to achieve what we set out to do or even to maintain our integrity and reputation. Its so easy to hide behind the veil of lies and deceit we create for ourselves. We our the greatest illusionists of all times and very often even we fool ourselves into believing that the illusions that we create are real.

It takes courage and guts to face up to reality.To know that the truth hurts.Stop creating illusions to make life so damn perfect.Having said that, I realise there are times when deception hurts less than the truth and sometimes you just need to protect those around you.

2006-09-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

I came across this poem when I was reading a book, "tenth circle" by Jodi Picoult. The poem reminded me of the quote that Cherie gave me, about the mind and how powerful the mind is.

In the very earliest time,

when both people and animals lived on earth,

a person could become an animal if he wanted to and an animal

could become a human being.

Sometimes they were people

and sometimes animals

and there was no difference.

All spoke the same language.

That was the time when words were like magic.

The human mind had mysterious powers.

A word spoken by chance

might have strange consequences.

It would suddenly come alive

and what people wanted to happen could happen-

all you had to do was say it.

Nobody could explain this:

Thats's the way it is.

-"Magic words," by Edward Field

Inspired by the Inuit

Be careful what you wish for or what you think about.The mind is more powerful than we know.By harbouring just one thought of hatred,or that small seed of lust in our minds,it can grow and grow and what we think of can happen when we least expect it.

2006-09-27T14:50:00.000+08:00

idol results show @ indoor stadium
the hady supporters.

Watching the results show at the indoor stadium was an experience. Saw a lot of familiar faces there. Needless to say,the stadium was over run with adolescents and Cherie toh felt like a geriatric next to them.

Hady does have a better voice and a lot more supporters.But my idol is still Joy boo!!Not forgetting Sean Yeo and Mr Jon Ong.

Flybar is competing again at Home.Its goin to be good.Oh yeah...

2006-09-24T18:52:00.000+08:00

I decided last night that I would start volunteering somewhere.Preferably an orphanage.I think its time to learn how to give of myself and it will probably help me forget about all the little conflicts that I have with myself. I realised that through all this time,I have become too inward looking,always bothering about how insecure I feel, or how friends look at me and how they treat me.Starting to volunteer at an orphanage would help me to be able to get my feet back on the ground and back to reality and maybe find myself in the process.

Why an orphanage you ask?These kids are deprived of parental love and warmth and they lack so many things in life.I hope I can bring something to these kids.Lofty aspiration but yeah,I hope I can do something for them.Kids have this innocence about them,in becky's words,their innocence versus the shallow hypocrisy of the adult world.When we see things from their perspective,you realise how complicated our lives are,and how we complicate matters.

Well,if anyone wants to join me,let me know.I am gonna start getting in contact with some places and go down for a visit.